It's been a very rough day for me today. Overwhelmed by work and the tasks at hand have had me at the edge of tears all day. The details only really matter to me. I tried to talk with a friend who knows my job very well. She didn't seem to have the time. It crushed me. Why can I call and ask how she is doing and listen with love and understanding, but when it's my turn, she is not there for me. Usually I don't give extra chances. How long will this friendship last? I told her how it effects me when things like this happen and she told me she is trying to change. All I wanted to do was vent a little and then hear her always wise perspective. It wasn't meant to be today. I told my son I almost cried at work and he seemed unsettled by it but didn't know what to say to his mom. I kept a strong front around the husband. I don't think he would understand. So I sit and quietly weep. Then I read a friends blog about her impending visit with her mom and the flood came. I miss my daughter so very much I can almost quit my job and go live in her town. This picture makes me smile. All things sheep remind me of her. This little guy is in her kitchen at college. I love it.
I think I will relinquish my title as the bad ass in the family. Today the rock crumbled. No amount of glue or spit or duct tape can fix this. Let the pity party begin. When I think of my friends and the walk they are on, mine is not bad at all.
But when you are at the very center of the shit storm, life
stinks....Tomorrow will be better I am sure. For now, I will find a shovel and
start digging a path towards happiness.
I had a friend like that. Recently I just had to let it go where she is concerned. I was always there for her, listening and providing an ear. She just could never make time for me when I needed it. I often feel alone because no one else is like me. I have always been friendly and helpful and happy-go-lucky but these days people get annoyed by people like me. Its exhausting to be the tough one..this I know. I am glad you let your title go..you deserve to be heard and comforted from time to time. Everyone does. I know you must miss your litle girl terribly. Perhaps a visit is in order. Hang in there Pam, God loves you and His plan is always bigger than ones we have for ourselves. I am here if you need an ear..I happen to be a pretty good listener :) XO
ReplyDeleteThanks Brandi. I chose her to be my shoulder because she knows the job. I am way better now. Thanks again for your advice and Colorado is looking better and better.
ReplyDeleteWell - obviously I haven't read your blog for a few days. I agree with Brandi - anyway you can get away for a few days - maybe a week and go for a visit? It would do wonders for you. I saw you this morning in church but didn't get over to say hi. I'm glad you are feeling better - I think the worst is feeling lonely when you are in a room where there are people. Friendship always!!!
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